When I got back from California...

My wife's car died on campus (University of Alaska, Fairbanks). Because of where she was parked with cars on either side of her, nobody could pull in close to give her a jump start with cables. So, the campus police brought out a start kit -- basically a battery with cables. It also has a tester, and they said that the battery tested fine. After a couple of hours, everyone gave up and she got a ride home from a friend.

She picked me up from the airport that night, using my truck. Outdoor temperature: -22F.

Next morning, I went to see what I could do. The vehicle is a 2008 Toyota Camry XLE, V6. It has the pushbutton ignition switch thing, right? So, I pushed the button, no lights. I measured the battery and got 3.4 volts. Time for a new battery.

Napa sold me one and took the dead one as a core trade in, also saving me the hassle of dealing with it any longer.

This is the weird part: when I connected the terminals to the battery, all the dash lights came on, as though I was sitting in the drivers seat with the key fob and had pressed the start button. I got in and pressed the button, and there was no response. Lights all stayed on, no clicking, no nothing. I moved the ahifter in and out of park and neutral a bunch, but still no joy. So I disconnected the battery, not wanting to drain it.

Trying to deal with an electrical problem in the cold was looking pretty daunting, so I was thinking about having the thing towed when a friend showed up. He gave me courage to go on (also had a nice warm truck to thaw my fingers in). We pulled the battery, reached down to the starter and unplugged the small wire that actuated the starter solenoid. With the battery re-installed and all the lights on again, the plan was to run a jumper from the battery + to the solenoid connector and see if it cranked or better yet, started.

He was sitting in the car and watched while I did the jumper thing. The engine cranked over quite quickly but did not start. He put his finger on the button while I did my thing, and the same thing. We were about to try again, when he reported that all the lights went out. He pushed the button and they came back on, which is normal. I hit the jumper wire and bam, it started up.

Moral of the story: if the battery in a 2008 Camry is dead, really dead, you have to have patience after re-applying power and wait for it to "reboot".

And time to get some real (16' or longer) jumper cables, too!

Indeed.

I always carry a heavy gauge set of jumper cables that are long enough to reach from the very front of my vehicle all the way to well behind the vehicle and reach across the width of the other car/truck. That way if the assisting car has its battery on the 'far' side while parked at right angles behind (think laneway or other constrained access location), the cables will still reach.

With long jumper cables they must also be of heavy gauge copper as the electrical losses are higher as length increases, especially with inexpensive thin gauge cables. Long thick jumper cables are heavy.

For winter, it is important that the plastic insulation on the cables remain flexible in low temperatures. These tend to be more expensive.

A modern alternative is to carry a compact high output lithium 'jumper pack'. The better quality packs are not only quite compact but also pack enough output to actually start the engine in cold weather. And do this multiple times. Charge it periodically to ensure it is fully capable when it is needed.

Aiming to buy one of these in the future, the lithium battery capacity seems rather nice. Though not sure about carrying one.

Agreed. A good quality set of longer jumper cables would be handy. I suppose that they'd have to be 1.5 car length or so. As for insulation, a rubber compound is probably the way to go.

The lithium jumper pack is what the campus security guys used, I'm guessing. I doubt that a modern department would be lugging around a heavy "wet cell" lead-acid for such purposes.

The real story here though is the bizarre behavior on the part of the car. See, I'm used to applying the jumper cables, seeing a little spark that tells you, yep, things are headed in the right direction, getting in, turning the key, seeing things come to life, and then cranking it over. Waiting for a reboot is just not in my vehicular background.

What a world.

To be fair you're only assuming it "rebooted".

Yeah, it is much better to put it in quotes, because I really don't understand what went on.

In retrospect, it didn't "reboot", it "booted".

Just so long as it doesn't "crash".