When I visit your house with my Orange (NL) 6310i, I find that at 8:30 each morning the Orange cell goes away and is replaced by a T-Mobile. T-Mobile seems to work OK until about 10 AM, which then disappears and either Orange or O2 takes it place. This is as regular as clockwork, a fact I can confirm as the annoying "beep" from my cellphone as it loses signal is about the only thing (apart from Pixel jumping on my face) guaranteed to wake me on your sofa after we have been BFV'ing 'till 4AM. During the day I regularly found that I had to manually keep seeking the Orange cell as for some reason, it was regularly disappearing. I have had the cell cut out once during a call in your back garden, and it was about 4-5 minutes before it came back.

What I reckon is that your house has been targetted by GCHQ and that they are using a Lambda ray to cut off your cell reception as a result of our regular, non-PC discussions relating to the suitability of the current US administration. This PO* setting they are using has deliberately set to high specifically for Nokia 6310i's, thereby explaining my similar experiences when I'm around. This is obviously done with the co-operation of Orange (who will of course deny everything if you confront them) who are providing the b******s with your (and occasionaly, mine when I am present) coordinates. The width of the beam, whilst exceedingly narrow, is still unfortunately finite which is why I can get caught in it too. As yet, the undesirable side-effects of Lambda ray saturation (green goolies) have not manifested themselves on my person, probably due to the relatively infrequent exposure of my bod while attending your premises. However, I would for safety purposes alone, recommend a quick and no doubt furtive examination of the affected area on your own person.

For further information have a look at:

http://www.omigodhelpImbeingirradiatedbylambdarayswhatdoidonow.info

Hope this helps!

Your mate,

Useless Plonker.

* PO = Pissim Orff