Tommy: "Let's think about this for a sec, Ted, why do they put a guarantee on a box? Hmm, very interesting."
Ted: "I'm listening."
Tommy: "Here's how I see it. A guy puts a guarantee on the box 'cause he wants you to fell all warm and toasty inside."
Ted: "Yeah, makes a man feel good."
Tommy: "Course it does. Ya think if you leave that box under your pillow at night, the Guarentee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter."
Ted: "What's your point?"
Tommy: "The point is, how do you know the Guarantee Fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Build model airplanes" says the little fairy, but we're not buying it. Next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser and your daughter's knocked up, I seen it a hundred times."
Ted: "But why do they put a guarantee on the box then?"
Tommy: "Because they know all they solda ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That's all it is. Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for right now, for your sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality item from me."
Ted: "Hmm. Okay, I'll buy from you."
Tommy: "Well I...What?!"