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#93834 - 14/05/2002 10:57 Free amusement I just got sent..
genixia
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/02/2002
Posts: 3411
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you
would have produced enough sound energy to heat one
cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
***********************************************
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,
enough gas is produced to create the energy of an
atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
*************************************************
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
*************************************************
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
**************************************************
A cockroach will live nine days without its head
before it starves to death.
(Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
***************************************************
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an
hour.
(Do not try this at home......maybe at work or
school.)
****************************************************
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its
head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex
by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
*************************************************
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's
like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine?)
*************************************************
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

******************************************************

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality
over quantity.)

****************************************************************

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
*************************************************
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)
*************************************************
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years
longer than left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the
difference?)
**************************************************
Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)
**************************************************
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
**************************************************
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
*************************************************
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
*************************************************
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
*************************************************
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have
sex for pleasure.
(What about the pig?)
_________________________
Mk2a 60GB Blue. Serial 030102962 sig.mp3: File Format not Valid.

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#93835 - 14/05/2002 11:01 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
robricc
carpal tunnel

Registered: 30/10/2000
Posts: 4931
Loc: New Jersey, USA
_________________________
-Rob Riccardelli
80GB 16MB MK2 090000736

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#93836 - 14/05/2002 11:15 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm not sure about the accuracy of those statements. I always thought the jaw muscle was the strongest in the body. And have you ever seen a snake jump? What about a slug? An alligator? A fish? A virus?

It is good entertainment though.

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#93837 - 14/05/2002 11:18 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: ]
Dignan
carpal tunnel

Registered: 08/03/2000
Posts: 12338
Loc: Sterling, VA
I think some of those do. it may depend on your definition of the word "jump"

Very funny, dude
_________________________
Matt

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#93838 - 14/05/2002 13:57 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: ]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
None of those are animals even if some of those jump.
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#93839 - 14/05/2002 14:04 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Laura]
SE_Sport_Driver
carpal tunnel

Registered: 05/01/2001
Posts: 4903
Loc: Detroit, MI USA
I think a fish, alligator and snake all count as animals. Fish can jump out of the water ("Flying Fish") and I think snakes jump a little when they "lunge.."
_________________________
Brad B.

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#93840 - 14/05/2002 14:07 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: SE_Sport_Driver]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
Well alligators will kind of jump also but I didn't think of them as animals.
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#93841 - 14/05/2002 14:10 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Laura]
SE_Sport_Driver
carpal tunnel

Registered: 05/01/2001
Posts: 4903
Loc: Detroit, MI USA
Have a bad run-in with an alligator once?
_________________________
Brad B.

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#93842 - 14/05/2002 14:14 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: SE_Sport_Driver]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
No, just watching videos of them. Maybe it is more like a lunge kind of jump when they are attacking something.
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#93843 - 14/05/2002 14:28 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: ]
dodgecowboy
enthusiast

Registered: 31/01/2002
Posts: 214
Loc: Mississippi State University
Well, I beleive when it states jump Im sure it could mean lunge too, which could be a jump just not vertically, which snakes and alligators do, an elephant justs stands walks, and walks faster and thats its limits. A slug cant jump but isnt an animal either
_________________________
Lucas S. Starkvegas, MS

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#93844 - 14/05/2002 15:07 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
DanielWO
new poster

Registered: 16/01/2002
Posts: 23
I have heard the dolphins-humans thing before, and I think it is the other way around. Humans and Dolphins are the only things that have sex to make babies (and not for pleasure). Think about it - if you were a dumb dog, why would you be having sex: because it feels good. No other reason than that. Every animal has hormones that put them in the mood during mating seaon. But it's not like they are wandering around during mating season thinking "I would like to make babies", they just wander around and see how much they can get off. Humans, on the other hand, realize that having sex can make babies, so they sometimes do it for other reasons than simply feeling good.

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#93845 - 14/05/2002 16:01 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: DanielWO]
Phoenix42
veteran

Registered: 21/03/2002
Posts: 1424
Loc: MA but Irish born
Thats where babies come from!!!

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#93846 - 14/05/2002 16:11 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Phoenix42]
tfabris
carpal tunnel

Registered: 20/12/1999
Posts: 31594
Loc: Seattle, WA
Well, that's just what signals the stork. Or so I'm told.
_________________________
Tony Fabris

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#93847 - 14/05/2002 16:21 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: DanielWO]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
I don't think most animals do "it" for pleasure. Some of the ways animals mate look quite painful. I mean a male cats penis is supposed to be barbed, dogs get stuck together, horses injure themselves sometimes while at "it". Doesn't sound much fun to me.

And 30 minutes for gods sake. Sounds like it might cross the threshold of pleasure to pain but then again, I'm not a pig so maybe they do enjoy it.

But then again there do seem to be "gay" animals so maybe they do enjoy "it". Or maybe they don't realize they are mounting the same sex.
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#93848 - 14/05/2002 16:51 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Laura]
tfabris
carpal tunnel

Registered: 20/12/1999
Posts: 31594
Loc: Seattle, WA
Isn't there a book on this topic, discussing the scientific basis for the Pleasure Principle?
_________________________
Tony Fabris

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#93849 - 14/05/2002 16:56 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: SE_Sport_Driver]
rob
carpal tunnel

Registered: 21/05/1999
Posts: 5335
Loc: Cambridge UK
Tree snakes can jump vast distances (well, they start by jumping and end up effectively gliding).

Rob

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#93850 - 14/05/2002 17:14 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
jimhogan
carpal tunnel

Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!)

Easily. Depends on the prevailing wind!

Eerily, I can attest to this, more or less. We had a PB, PBAB, FTD (Poor Bastard, Pine-Box-At-Bedside, Failure-To-Die) post-cardiac-surgery gent on my unit in Boston with systemic infections and 4 or 6 pumps injecting "pressors" to keep his blood pressure up when all of a sudden his sutures let go and his heart went "Pop!"

I ducked. The wall was quite literally a bloody mess. OK, you can argue the effect of the pressors, but, if the wall weren't there, he would have easily made 50 feet.

Aside from fulfilling an annual urge to gross people out, I offer this to reinforce two points: 1) Don't smoke, and 2) Stay away from hospitals!

Jim
_________________________
Jim


'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.

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#93851 - 14/05/2002 17:17 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Laura]
DanielWO
new poster

Registered: 16/01/2002
Posts: 23
If they don't do it for pleasure, what makes them do it? I think all the barbs and stuff are just biological ways to make sure that even if the animal isn't very skillful, it can still make a baby. Animals do everything by feeling - they eat when they're hungry and stop eating when they are full. They have sex when they're "horny" and don't when they are not. Also, I bet there are some things humans do for "pleasure" that look painful to most people as well.
But, then again, who knows what really goes on in an animals head....

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#93852 - 14/05/2002 17:34 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: DanielWO]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
I think most animals mate when the female is in season. The males can smell it and if she's not in season she doesn't want anything to do with the male and will fight him off. So basically it is to procreate and maintain the species.

Maybe it is the males that get "horny" and hump anything in sight. I grew up around dogs, cats and horses so those are the only ones I've observed. I haven't seen a "gay" female animal.
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#93853 - 14/05/2002 17:41 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
tanstaafl.
carpal tunnel

Registered: 08/07/1999
Posts: 5546
Loc: Ajijic, Mexico
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

Sure -- if your typical football field were 4/10 of a mile long. (350 times a human body length would be about 2100 feet.)

Hmmm... maybe if football fields were really that big the game would be more interesting. Make Marathon running into a contact sport.

tanstaafl.

_________________________
"There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"

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#93854 - 14/05/2002 17:54 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: tanstaafl.]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Maybe they meant body width?

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#93855 - 14/05/2002 18:08 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: tanstaafl.]
tfabris
carpal tunnel

Registered: 20/12/1999
Posts: 31594
Loc: Seattle, WA
Everyone run! Doug's using math again!
_________________________
Tony Fabris

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#93856 - 15/05/2002 01:21 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: jimhogan]
frog51
pooh-bah

Registered: 09/08/2000
Posts: 2091
Loc: Edinburgh, Scotland
Being married to someone in the medical profession I am always amused by the sympathetic terminology used in hospitals. A lot of her patients seem to be classed as GOB's (Grumpy Old Bastards) but I guess if you are 70 years old and have just had your legs removed, you probably wouldn't be the chirpiest of folk.

Hadn't heard PBAB before, so it made me laugh
_________________________
Rory
MkIIa, blue lit buttons, memory upgrade, 1Tb in Subaru Forester STi
MkII, 240Gb in Mark Lord dock
MkII, 80Gb SSD in dock

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#93857 - 15/05/2002 01:23 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: genixia]
frog51
pooh-bah

Registered: 09/08/2000
Posts: 2091
Loc: Edinburgh, Scotland
Question -

Pig, or Sting - isn't that what all the Tantric control business is about?

Hmmmm - must go visit my local Eastern Bookshop to see what manuals I can pick up
_________________________
Rory
MkIIa, blue lit buttons, memory upgrade, 1Tb in Subaru Forester STi
MkII, 240Gb in Mark Lord dock
MkII, 80Gb SSD in dock

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#93858 - 15/05/2002 09:10 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: frog51]
jimhogan
carpal tunnel

Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
I am always amused by the sympathetic terminology used in hospitals.
We were, on the whole, a lot more sympathetic than my dark comments suggest. It was, though, a last-resort type of place that fed an undercurrent of black humor. With 10 beds arrayed in an arc, you could stand in the middle and get the impression that these were 10 people relaxing on a very, very bad vacation, so the unit developed the moniker of Ventilator Beach. PBAB is a variation on an equipment order like "nebulizer at bedside", where FTD is the EOL inverse of the pediatric "failure to thrive" applied to folks whose bodies keep going beyond anyone's ability to believe it.

To the original 30-foot point....most of these folks had permanent arterial lines with a little stopcock and (depending on blood pressure) you could pretty much demonstrate that point anytime if you weren't careful with the stopcock. I should probably go back and delete my exploding man story, but it does stick with me as perhaps the most Serling-esque moment in my life.

A lot of her patients seem to be classed as GOB's (Grumpy Old Bastards) but I guess if you are 70 years old and have just had your legs removed, you probably wouldn't be the chirpiest of folk.

Nope. Much of our cynical humor came from the extraordinary treatment inflicted on folks by the unique American "it would be wrong if we didn't try everything" medical-legal system. Some of this has changed considerably over the past 2 decades, but I still joke that I will refuse hospitalization unless I can have a friend stay in the room with a shotgun! to keep the 4th-year medical students off of me!

Hadn't heard PBAB before, so it made me laugh

Good!
_________________________
Jim


'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.

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#93859 - 15/05/2002 22:02 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: jimhogan]
canuckInOR
carpal tunnel

Registered: 13/02/2002
Posts: 3212
Loc: Portland, OR
Well, I'm glad I got to read your exploding man story before you had the chance to delete it, then. I thought it was pretty funny -- and this from a guy who gets faint at the sight of blood...


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#93860 - 15/05/2002 22:12 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: Laura]
canuckInOR
carpal tunnel

Registered: 13/02/2002
Posts: 3212
Loc: Portland, OR
I think most animals mate when the female is in season.

I think you're right on the money here. I can't think of any animals who's female members engage in sex outside of the mating season. Anything is mating season for males.

IIRC, humans are also the only species that can copulate face to face.

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#93861 - 15/05/2002 22:15 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: canuckInOR]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I bet with a little determination and a bag of doggy treats someone could change that.

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#93862 - 15/05/2002 22:49 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: ]
muzza
Pooh-Bah

Registered: 21/07/1999
Posts: 1765
Loc: Brisbane, Queensland, Australi...
eewwww. You thought about that for far too long.
_________________________
-- Murray I What part of 'no' don't you understand? Is it the 'N', or the 'Zero'?

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#93863 - 17/05/2002 06:49 Re: Free amusement I just got sent.. [Re: ]
Ralyon
journeyman

Registered: 13/04/2002
Posts: 59
Loc: Florida, USA
The scary thing is it sounds like you have some experience in this feild.
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Daniel [blue] 10G MkIIa [/blue] Quantum Mechanics: The Dreams Stuff are made of.

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