#304623 - 02/12/2007 01:47
Hit men. Advice?
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
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Folks, I need your advice.
As you can imagine, hiring a hit man may be a once-in-a-lifetime proposition. It isn't something that comes up very often for most of us, so it is probably the rare individual who has a "How to hire a paid assassin" handbook immediately to hand. So, some questions:
1) Sure, the extent of security measures protecting your intended target may affect the amount of risk involved (and could influence price), but, assuming that the protective security is the same, should degree of fame influence the contracted price? Meaning, should you expect to pay more for a Huey P. Long than an Anton Cermak?
2) How much of a premium for timeliness? Like "I need this by Wednesday" versus "any time in 2008 is OK".
3) What is the accepted premium for plausible deniability? Meaning the cops go "Gee whiz we found this guy with a big hole in his head and we are a-thinkin' that what we got here is a homicide" versus the coroner saying "Mister Victim seems to have aspirated a few gallons of cream-of-tomato soup under circumstances that we are still investigating."
4) If deniability is not a paramount concern, how much of a premium is it reasonable to pay for having things done *exactly* the way you want? Meaning like if you want to make some things obvious. Send a message, you might say. is it typical to spend time negotiating methodology?
5) What's up with expenses? Are you smarter just to go fixed price or is it worth spending some time working through a time-and-materials arrangement?
6) Assuming everybody wants to be deniable, is it reasonable to accept some allowance for legal expenses? How do you do this? Lump sum? Retainer? Escrow? Anybody familiar with law firms that specialize in legal support of paid assassins? Or, as a customer, should this really be your problem at all?
7) Outsourcing and/or brokerage. Is it smarter to go direct or can you save some time and effort by working through an agent? Are any of these brokers reputable?
8) Prepayment. Is there an accepted standard for prepayment? It's not like you can have "progress payments". I mean, somebody is either dead or they are not. 50 percent? 40 percent? Less?
9) Certificate of completion. OK in some cases, a front-page story in the New York Times or a coroner's report might suffice, but what if you just want to make somebody disappear???
10) References. This is a tough one. Any ideas?
So, this is what I can think of, but I am hoping some of you can chime in with some "gotchas" that just aren't occurring to me at this time. This seems like this is one of those cases where I don't know what I don't know. "Unknown unknowns" as that wise man said.
Thanks in advance for your help!
_________________________
Jim
'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.
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#304624 - 02/12/2007 01:53
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 19/05/1999
Posts: 3457
Loc: Palo Alto, CA
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Unrelated to the Starbucks thread, right? Hugo
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#304625 - 02/12/2007 02:04
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 29/08/2000
Posts: 14491
Loc: Canada
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Quote: 2) How much of a premium for timeliness? Like "I need this by Wednesday" versus "any time in 2008 is OK".
A fairly hefty multiplier would apply for tight time constraints. A successful hit (and getaway) requires painstaking and time-consuming advance surveillance and planning. Taking shortcuts with that will greatly increase the risk, especially with a hardened target. Expect to pay 5-10X for any deadline under than 4 months or so.
Quote:
4) If deniability is not a paramount concern, how much of a premium is it reasonable to pay for having things done *exactly* the way you want? Meaning like if you want to make some things obvious. Send a message, you might say. is it typical to spend time negotiating methodology?
Deniability should be accounted for in the timeliness equation. The trigger man doesn't really normally care if the victim is known to have been murdered or not, so long as he has time to escape the scene with no significant evidence left behind. But adding method constraints to the equation is going to cost extra, for sure, as it limits the escape options somewhat.
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5) What's up with expenses? Are you smarter just to go fixed price or is it worth spending some time working through a time-and-materials arrangement?
Real professionals work strictly on a fixed price basis. If the would-be elimination consultant haggles for expenses, it's time to question credentials.
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8) Prepayment. Is there an accepted standard for prepayment? It's not like you can have "progress payments". I mean, somebody is either dead or they are not. 50 percent? 40 percent? Less?
The industry standard seems to be 50-60% up front, and the remainder paid very promptly on completion. For time-constrained jobs, the full amount may be required up front.
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10) References. This is a tough one. Any ideas?
Check with any friends or acquaintances who have recently lost a spouse under less than clear circumstances..
Cheers!
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#304626 - 02/12/2007 04:26
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 30/04/2000
Posts: 3810
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One useful piece of advice is that an awful lot of prospective customers of hit men are arrested by virtue of approaching police acting undercover as hit men. This is often orchestrated as a direct result of such people asking around where to find hit man.
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#304627 - 02/12/2007 06:14
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 20/12/1999
Posts: 31594
Loc: Seattle, WA
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Quote: I am hoping some of you can chime in with some "gotchas" that just aren't occurring to me at this time.
If one is serious about such a thing (as opposed to simply doing research for a mystery novel they're writing, or trolling for interesting conversations, or testing out the DHS's data mining systems), then it would be against their best interest to ask about it on a public internet forum. See the "Plausible Deniability" item.
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#304628 - 02/12/2007 07:15
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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pooh-bah
Registered: 16/04/2002
Posts: 2011
Loc: Yorkshire UK
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I think double indemnity is what your looking for, I'll zoom across and pick up the necessary weapon from an accommodation address, you do the same: I'll let you know my target at a later stage of negotiation, as I can't actually think of anybody I dislike that much.
For sometime, Mrs. Boxer and I have kept a top 20 of: "People we'd happily never hear of again", but that doesn't mean to say I want to kill them, just gag them!
_________________________
Politics and Ideology: Not my bag
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#304629 - 02/12/2007 08:09
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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addict
Registered: 25/06/2002
Posts: 456
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Quote: 10) References. This is a tough one. Any ideas?
I can make a few suggestions.
I simply can't recommend John Cusack highly enough. He brings professionalism and a certain level of panache to the job. Though a bit angst-ridden, he can be counted on to get the job done. You can make arrangements through his sister, Joan.
On the other hand, Dan Akroyd is highly effective at "sending a message" and is also an enthusiastic worker, if a bit ham-fisted and non-subtle. Unfortunately, I believe he is now out of the business after a most unfortunate television encounter.
Though I haven't personally had occasion to use Cusack's services, I have observed them in action and can vouch for his consummate professionalism.
Should Minnie Driver forbid John from taking on your hit, you may want to check with his younger brother "Badger" who is a real genius with ray guns and missiles as well as being quite popular with the ladies.
If I can be of further assistance, don't hesitate to contact me by leaving an envelope containing your questions taped to the post by the cemetery on the Tuesday following the first full moon of the month. I'll have my people call your people.
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#304630 - 02/12/2007 08:22
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: boxer]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 10/06/1999
Posts: 5916
Loc: Wivenhoe, Essex, UK
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Quote:
For sometime, Mrs. Boxer and I have kept a top 20 of: "People we'd happily never hear of again", but that doesn't mean to say I want to kill them, just gag them!
How many of the 20 are politicians ?
_________________________
Remind me to change my signature to something more interesting someday
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#304631 - 02/12/2007 09:56
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: andy]
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pooh-bah
Registered: 16/04/2002
Posts: 2011
Loc: Yorkshire UK
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Is posh spice a politician? - as far as I can see she's a look alike for the Mekon in Dan Dare, these days.
You see my dilemma, if I get Jim to nip down to LA and do away with her, she immediately joins this list: Jimi Hendrix Buddy Holly Otis Redding Duane Allman Janis Joplin Steve Marriott Marc Bolan
Only 4 in answer to your question, Mrs. B disqualified "Everybody connected with the EU" on the basis of plurals, but we decided to allow couples: Thus "The Beckhams" don't qualify, as David seems OK, but regrettably, the McCanns have been creeping up the chart!
_________________________
Politics and Ideology: Not my bag
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#304632 - 02/12/2007 12:41
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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old hand
Registered: 01/10/2002
Posts: 1038
Loc: Fullerton, Calif.
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Two people can keep a secret, if one is dead....
Best to do it yourself.
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#304633 - 02/12/2007 16:18
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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old hand
Registered: 16/02/2002
Posts: 867
Loc: Oxford, UK
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Try www.instanthitman.com. I've never used them myself but their website looks okay - you can even book the 'hit' online.
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#304634 - 02/12/2007 16:39
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: AndrewT]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 29/08/2000
Posts: 14491
Loc: Canada
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Quote: Try www.instanthitman.com. I've never used them myself but their website looks okay - you can even book the 'hit' online.
Wow.. those guys are good!
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#304635 - 03/12/2007 03:46
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: music]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
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Quote:
Quote: 10) References. This is a tough one. Any ideas?
I can make a few suggestions.
I simply can't recommend John Cusack highly enough. He brings professionalism and a certain level of panache to the job. Though a bit angst-ridden, he can be counted on to get the job done. You can make arrangements through his sister, Joan. (...)
Funny you should mention that. John seems like somebody who would be a real pleasure to work with, but I just assumed that Minnie made him leave the business.
I got some contact info for a well-regarded gent named Joubert, but when I called his housekeeper let me know that he had passed away. She mentioned that I might give a gent named Charles Calthrop a try, but when I visited the address she provided, nobody had ever heard of him. I found reference to a gent named Arthur Bishop on line, but turns out he's also deceased. Dead ends all around.
_________________________
Jim
'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.
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#304636 - 03/12/2007 03:57
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: tfabris]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
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Quote:
Quote: I am hoping some of you can chime in with some "gotchas" that just aren't occurring to me at this time.
If one is serious about such a thing (as opposed to simply doing research for a mystery novel they're writing, or trolling for interesting conversations, or testing out the DHS's data mining systems), then it would be against their best interest to ask about it on a public internet forum. See the "Plausible Deniability" item.
Now Tony, when have you ever known me to troll for interesting conversatons? "Jim's a serious as the day is long!" is what they all say, isn't it?
I have to say that I was inspired by Bruno's Portuguese photography quest and once again asked myself "What kind of question *can't* you ask on the BBS (and expect useful answers)?" The puzzle of how your average BBS resident could find a paid assassin has been building up inside me for a long time just dying to get out. Now, I wouldn't hurt a fly nor cause same fly to be hurt and I will confess to a lack of any homicidal intention whatsoever. But I had to ask. Who? How? If Max Von Sydow no longer available, then what hope?
OK, perhaps a certain lapse of seriousness..
_________________________
Jim
'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.
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#304638 - 03/12/2007 08:10
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: tfabris]
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veteran
Registered: 01/10/2001
Posts: 1307
Loc: Amsterdam, The Netherlands
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#304985 - 11/12/2007 01:54
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: julf]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 06/10/1999
Posts: 2591
Loc: Seattle, WA, U.S.A.
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I plead guilty (again! guilty!) to assassin name dropping, but I had never seen this flick. I will have to get it. I haven't found an Internet shrine of celluloid assassins, but I would think somebody needs to build it. Bronson was OK in _The Mechanic_, but I remain much more impressed by Edward Fox in the _Day of the Jackal_ and I think Von Sydow is the ultimate in _Three Days of the Condor_ Don't anybody go nominating The Terminator. To qualify you have to be completely indie and not pre-programmed. A tip of the sawed-off shotgun to Javier Bardem for his work in _No Country for Old Men_. An imperfect film, but Javier was completely worth the price of admission.
_________________________
Jim
'Tis the exceptional fellow who lies awake at night thinking of his successes.
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#304987 - 11/12/2007 01:58
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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old hand
Registered: 23/07/2003
Posts: 869
Loc: Colorado
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Mr. Shh (Steve Buscemi) from "Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead".
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Dave
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#305003 - 11/12/2007 05:32
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: jimhogan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 08/03/2000
Posts: 12338
Loc: Sterling, VA
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A tip of the sawed-off shotgun to Javier Bardem for his work in _No Country for Old Men_. An imperfect film, but Javier was completely worth the price of admission. He was incredible. Very Scary. I remain much more impressed by Edward Fox in the _Day of the Jackal_ Wasn't that Bruce Willis? Poor Jack Black...
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Matt
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#305011 - 11/12/2007 12:02
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: Dignan]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 29/08/2000
Posts: 14491
Loc: Canada
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I remain much more impressed by Edward Fox in the _Day of the Jackal_ Wasn't that Bruce Willis? Poor Jack Black... No, though Brucey did act in an American copy-cat film later on.
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#305037 - 11/12/2007 16:46
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: mlord]
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carpal tunnel
Registered: 08/03/2000
Posts: 12338
Loc: Sterling, VA
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I remain much more impressed by Edward Fox in the _Day of the Jackal_ Wasn't that Bruce Willis? Poor Jack Black... No, though Brucey did act in an American copy-cat film later on. "Wasn't that Bruce Willis? ***WINK***" Sheesh!
_________________________
Matt
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#305049 - 11/12/2007 19:29
Re: Hit men. Advice?
[Re: Dignan]
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addict
Registered: 23/01/2002
Posts: 506
Loc: The Great Pacific NorthWest
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Keyser Soze, oh yeah, Keyser Soze
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No matter where you might be, there you are.
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