... everyone on here talks about how this is such a standard. If that's really the case, why is the only connector anyone has offered labelled as a "reverse VW" harness?

Because VW are the biggest manufacturer sold in the US that actually uses it? If you walked into a store in Europe that sold these then they'd be much more likely to name them as ISO connectors. Note though that even that isn't really accurate - _which_ ISO standard is it??