Hahaha! My wife and I laughed pretty hard at that first suggestion. Very well done. I can't argue at all that it meets my requirements as stated

That first one you linked to looks pretty good, Bitt. Perhaps a little dark for us, but beggars can't be choosers. I noticed that comment on the World Market site. I just wish I had some confirmation on that. It's one thing to say "can sit" and another to say "have sat"