"Must have PhD or better in database management, must have a BA in computer programming, must have a BA in network administration, along with 20 years experience programming in Java, 30 years experience managing SQL server, must be able to code in C, pascal, 6502 assembly language and LISP, and must be willing to work the night shift. MCSE and Netware certification required. Salaries start at 12,000/yr."


You forgot "and be under 50" (yeah, age discrimination is illegal, but it's shocking how thin the line between 'underqualified' and 'overqualified' can get.)