Okay, scratch everything...I am an idiot. From a trial and error process I figured it out. It's not possible without complete re-wiring.

Here's the actual setup. Don't know why they go from a 4 conductor to a three conductor, but what do I know. And as far as all of the blacks being twisted together, I think it would make more sense if the incoming black went straight through to the closet and not connect to the fan/light wire.