Thanks a ton, gents. I've never really been great with the BBS search, but frankly I was surprised that Google didn't turn up much.
I found three or four threads dealing with these exact symptoms where it was strongly suggested a failed SMC chip had caused IDE issues. Diagnosis seems fairly conclusive. Mark, you recommended me to check pin 6 of the IDE header to fix stuck bit 0x0400 indicated by the hijack IDE tests. The IDE pinout identifies this as D9 on the parallel bus. Cross-referencing the LAN91C96 datasheet, that appears to be pin 8. Sounds about right?
I'll lift that pin tomorrow when I get back to my desk. If that works, I'll order a chip or two from Mouser. They're crazy expensive at $17.40 apiece, but I guess I'll just be thankful they're still available over 15 years later.
LAN91C96 Datasheethttp://ww1.microchip.com/downloads/en/DeviceDoc/91c96.pdf
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