I went through the same thing. Car Toys said "Why don't you just snip the wires??" Some shops had the larger male plug, but none had the necessary female (why would they, after all?). In the end I snipped one out of a late 80s jetta at a VW junkyard -- they were the plug into the back of the OEM (Blaupunkt?) head unit. I had to cut the little plastic key off it, but it worked.

Not sure, but installer.com may have both male/female. After finding mine, I think I remember Rob also saying that they could be had through Rio Car Support.

Good luck!

Jim