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#158502 - 01/05/2003 16:53 A change in name...
mwest
old hand

Registered: 01/05/2003
Posts: 768
Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
This is a rather difficult post to make, however I count you as friends and would not attempt to pull the wool over your eyes.

As of Wednesday my wife and I have separated. Hopefully to be reconciled sometime in the future, but with no timeline or even conversation currently in place. My denomination's theology (and more importantly my own) does not allow for divorced ministers. So as of Wednesday I have resigned my position as Associate Pastor.

The issues leading to my current situation were and are completely my fault. My wife is truly blameless. Due to this I have chosen a new username since to use Reverend would be in my own eyes inappropriate.

I at this point see little reason to get into the details, and in fact many will wonder why I worry about this at all, but needless to say my sins have truly found me out as they usually do.

I write this in some fear that my indiscretions will cause further doubt in the minds of those that do not believe as I do. I would rather be honest however than feign righteousness.

_________________________
-Michael West

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#158503 - 01/05/2003 16:57 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
pgrzelak
carpal tunnel

Registered: 15/08/2000
Posts: 4859
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Oh my.

I am sorry to hear about this, and I hope that things will work out for you. Have faith, and let me know if you need anything.

Paul.
_________________________
Paul Grzelak
200GB with 48MB RAM, Illuminated Buttons and Digital Outputs

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#158504 - 01/05/2003 17:00 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
djc
enthusiast

Registered: 08/08/2000
Posts: 351
Loc: chicago
michael,

i've gone through my share of dark and difficult times, and wish you all the best in getting through. be sure that better times do lie ahead.

--dan.

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#158505 - 01/05/2003 17:09 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
BartDG
carpal tunnel

Registered: 20/05/2001
Posts: 2616
Loc: Bruges, Belgium
Sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be able to fix things in the future.

I write this in some fear that my indiscretions will cause further doubt in the minds of those that do not believe as I do.
I don't believe that will happen. For me personally it really doesn't change a thing. After all, we're all only human and he who is without sins...
I hope you aren't insulted when I say you'll probably always be regarded as "our Rev" here in the community.

Anyway, take care, and I hope all will turn out well for you.
_________________________
Riocar 80gig S/N : 010101580 red
Riocar 80gig (010102106) - backup

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#158506 - 01/05/2003 17:17 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
JeffS
carpal tunnel

Registered: 14/01/2002
Posts: 2858
Loc: Atlanta, GA
Michael,
I am so sorry to hear this, please know that my prayers are with you. You have been a positive influence here (or at least on me) and it it's hard to see you go through something so difficult. I'm sure you realize you have many friends here who will do whatever we can to aid you in this time.
_________________________
-Jeff
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

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#158507 - 01/05/2003 17:20 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
Laura
pooh-bah

Registered: 16/06/2000
Posts: 1682
Loc: Greenhills, Ohio
You'll find your way through this and be stronger for it. Keep faith.

Why are so many going through difficult times these days? Maybe someday all of us will find happier days.......
_________________________
Laura

MKI #017/90

whatever

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#158508 - 01/05/2003 17:30 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
tfabris
carpal tunnel

Registered: 20/12/1999
Posts: 31600
Loc: Seattle, WA
You are in my thoughts, and I wish you all the best in what I know must be a very difficult time.
_________________________
Tony Fabris

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#158509 - 01/05/2003 17:33 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
robricc
carpal tunnel

Registered: 30/10/2000
Posts: 4931
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Add my sympathies to the list.

I wish you, your wife, and your church the best.
_________________________
-Rob Riccardelli
80GB 16MB MK2 090000736

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#158510 - 01/05/2003 17:53 Re: A change in name... [Re: robricc]
justinlarsen
old hand

Registered: 31/12/2001
Posts: 1109
Loc: Petaluma, CA
My Girlfriend And I Of 2 Years Recently broke up, and im sure its not has hard as what you are going thru but i know the pain and the fire felt inside a heart all too well at this point.

I wish the best for you, if you need anything or someone to talk to PM me and we can arrange something.
_________________________
---- Justin Larsen

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#158511 - 01/05/2003 18:00 Re: A change in name... [Re: justinlarsen]
qbasic309
member

Registered: 23/10/2002
Posts: 110
My sympathies, thoughts, and prayers are with you. I know
the pain and I hope things work out well for you!

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#158512 - 01/05/2003 18:18 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
AndrewT
old hand

Registered: 16/02/2002
Posts: 867
Loc: Oxford, UK
My thoughts are with you.

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#158513 - 01/05/2003 18:50 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
wfaulk
carpal tunnel

Registered: 25/12/2000
Posts: 16706
Loc: Raleigh, NC US
Michael, I know what a hard time you're going through. While my marriage didn't break up, it sure did feel like it was for a few days, if not longer. Don't lose faith. I don't know exactly what led to this, but it's easily possible that a few days apart might make you and her both realize what you have, even if it felt like it was missing for a while.

Personally, I don't believe that a religion that can't abide mistakes is one worth having, and one that makes you feel worse than I know you already do is hardly a positive influence. This is not to say that you should give it up, but it might be time to reconsider some specifics of it. In my opinion, it is more important for a minister, revered or not, to understand the problems of those that he ministers to, and no matter what happens, and I do hope it works out for the best, this experience can only help you help others, which is, I'm sure, what brought you to your vocation.

We all make mistakes, and anyone who claims that he hasn't is lying and not worthy of respect of any nature. I don't know what your problem is, but I'd hope that the people you minister to understand that you're the same as they are, and they've all had the same problems. You are not a surrogate for God, you are just a pathfinder for others searching.

However, I'm truly sorry that you're having problems. I have the feeling, though, that you're taking all the blame on yourself possibly too much. I know you don't want to blame your wife, and for all I know it is all your fault, but what's done is done. Blame doesn't help a thing, only repentance and rectification.

I'm rambling, but I know how this sort of thing can bring you down even further than the events themselves do. Don't let yourself slide down. Nothing can be gained by making it worse than it already is.

Good luck and good wishes.
_________________________
Bitt Faulk

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#158514 - 01/05/2003 19:10 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
tonyc
carpal tunnel

Registered: 27/06/1999
Posts: 7058
Loc: Pittsburgh, PA
I echo the sentiments of those who got to this thread before me, and hope you and your wife can resolve the differences in the future. As you are a guy who's used to guiding and counseling others, I hope you can find good guidance from those friends and family close to you. And, of course, your faith.

Hang in there, Rev^H^H^HMichael.

On a lighter note, hey Tom, can you hack in his title and post count from the other account? Rather insignificant compared to these issues, but every little bit helps, and it is a lot weirder seeing "New Poster" than it is "mwest".


Edited by yn0t_ (01/05/2003 19:13)
_________________________
- Tony C
my empeg stuff

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#158515 - 01/05/2003 20:20 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
Dignan
carpal tunnel

Registered: 08/03/2000
Posts: 12341
Loc: Sterling, VA
Just to echo earlier sentiments. I will not see you any differently now beyond your different name. I've always had great respect for you and your contributions to our community.
_________________________
Matt

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#158516 - 01/05/2003 20:28 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
Daria
carpal tunnel

Registered: 24/01/2002
Posts: 3937
Loc: Providence, RI
Would that everyone faced their problems in such a forthright manner. My prayers are with you.

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#158517 - 01/05/2003 21:11 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
tanstaafl.
carpal tunnel

Registered: 08/07/1999
Posts: 5549
Loc: Ajijic, Mexico
Michael, I grieve for your problems as though they were my own.

Rest assured that whatever problems you face, whatever blame you may place on yourself for these unfortunate circumstances, your reputation with me remains totally unblemished.

In the on-line exchanges we have had, even though I was not in agreement with what you said, I had utmost respect for what you said and especially the way you said it. That ability to charm and postulate with utmost logic while resisting all temptations to evangelize made you one of the most revered and appreciated posters on this bbs in an astonishingly short time.

I hope with all my heart that you, who have guided so many people to a better life, will be able to find your own path to happiness.

tanstaafl.
_________________________
"There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch"

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#158518 - 02/05/2003 01:50 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
peter
carpal tunnel

Registered: 13/07/2000
Posts: 4180
Loc: Cambridge, England
I'm sorry to hear all that. Call yourself what you like, though, a good man is a good man.

Peter

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#158519 - 02/05/2003 05:24 Re: A change in name... [Re: wfaulk]
JBjorgen
carpal tunnel

Registered: 19/01/2002
Posts: 3584
Loc: Columbus, OH
Personally, I don't believe that a religion that can't abide mistakes is one worth having, and one that makes you feel worse than I know you already do is hardly a positive influence.


Actually, the church has been really great about all this. There hasn't been any stigma placed on him whatsoever. (He's been staying with me this week). He removed himself from the position on the belief that if he can't be the spiritual leader for his household, he disqualifies himself to be the spiritual leader for other's households.
_________________________
~ John

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#158520 - 02/05/2003 06:59 Re: A change in name... [Re: JBjorgen]
genixia
Carpal Tunnel

Registered: 08/02/2002
Posts: 3411
In todays age where so many people are so lacking in morals and ethics, I find it refreshing that Michael feels that he needs to take that step. There have been too many cases of (other) churches in other places sweeping far worse trangressions under the carpet.

Rev,
I hope that you realise that you don't get to chose whether people revere you or not. They do. I also hope that when you are done repenting, you will come to realise that you may be committing a larger sin; Matthew 25:14-30
_________________________
Mk2a 60GB Blue. Serial 030102962 sig.mp3: File Format not Valid.

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#158521 - 02/05/2003 07:12 Re: A change in name... [Re: JBjorgen]
wfaulk
carpal tunnel

Registered: 25/12/2000
Posts: 16706
Loc: Raleigh, NC US
Actually, the church has been really great about all this.
That's very good. I'm pleased. But, in addition, I meant for him to not be too hard on himself.

Best wishes, nonetheless.
_________________________
Bitt Faulk

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#158522 - 02/05/2003 07:26 Re: A change in name... [Re: JBjorgen]
mwest
old hand

Registered: 01/05/2003
Posts: 768
Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
Thank you all for your kind and caring words. In response to a couple posts and pm's, the church has been far more gracious than I deserve. No stereo typical deacons' meetings or harsh phone calls. Just loving people praying that my marriage is reconciled and my ministry restored.
_________________________
-Michael West

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#158523 - 02/05/2003 09:48 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
bonzi
pooh-bah

Registered: 13/09/1999
Posts: 2401
Loc: Croatia
I have nothing coherent to add to what other people here said, but to assure you that you and your wife have my best wishes and hope that all plays out well.
_________________________
Dragi "Bonzi" Raos Q#5196 MkII #080000376, 18GB green MkIIa #040103247, 60GB blue

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#158524 - 06/05/2003 08:25 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
ithoughti
old hand

Registered: 17/07/2001
Posts: 721
Loc: Boston, MA USA
The issues leading to my current situation were and are completely my fault. My wife is truly blameless


no such thing in a relationship. But I feel for you.

all the best
_________________________
---------
//matt

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#158525 - 09/05/2003 06:32 Re: A change in name... [Re: ithoughti]
mwest
old hand

Registered: 01/05/2003
Posts: 768
Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
I wanted to thank everyone on the board for helping me through the beginning of a very tough time in my life. All of your posts and pm's have been very helpful.

As a bit of update....
  • My wife and I have spoken, but its mostly housekeeping stuff so far...
  • I leave for Oklahoma today... In a 26 foot Penske truck hauling a Spyder on a trailer.... completely Empeg enabled of course.
  • And last but not least I got a job... District Sales Consultant for School Dynamics... a private school software company.

    Again thank you all.
  • _________________________
    -Michael West

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    #158526 - 06/06/2003 08:09 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    mwest
    old hand

    Registered: 01/05/2003
    Posts: 768
    Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
    Some have asked so I thought I would update everyone in a more open format...

    My wife filed for separate maintence in court on Tuesday, which is a step towards divorce. The only reason that a divorce has not been asked for is because she has to live in Oklahoma for 6 months first. So the short of it is that reconcilation is basically a forelorn hope. Oddly however, my wife and I are getting on better than we have in a long time. Our times together have been like spending time with a best friend and it hasn't felt like that in long time.

    This post my be more theraputic than informative but I knew some would like to know what's going on... I enrolled in school for a second Bachelors in Computer Science and I've applied for some helpdesk positions at local companies. My sales job is promising but can't really support me.

    On a lighter note: How do you decorate a room with an empeg as the focal point?
    _________________________
    -Michael West

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    #158527 - 06/06/2003 08:44 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    genixia
    Carpal Tunnel

    Registered: 08/02/2002
    Posts: 3411
    On a lighter note: How do you decorate a room with an empeg as the focal point?


    Minimalist. Walls, floor, ceiling a plain color. Hidden amp and speakers. No furniture except for plain color comfortable seating, and perhaps somewhere to stick a beer or laptop whilst sitting there.
    Custom stand for mounting a mlord dock on - Black powdercoated tubular frame - all wires hidden in tubes. Place prominently.

    Oh - were you intending to use the room for other stuff too?
    _________________________
    Mk2a 60GB Blue. Serial 030102962 sig.mp3: File Format not Valid.

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    #158528 - 06/06/2003 09:32 Re: A change in name... [Re: genixia]
    mwest
    old hand

    Registered: 01/05/2003
    Posts: 768
    Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
    ... actually your very close to what I was thinking. Hardwood floors, white walls and ceiling, flat panel tv hung on the wall with empeg mounted in the wall below, chair and half with ottoman, in wall or ceiling mounted speakers, all stereo equipment in a closet accessed by an infared repeater.
    _________________________
    -Michael West

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    #158529 - 06/06/2003 09:44 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    mwest
    old hand

    Registered: 01/05/2003
    Posts: 768
    Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
    strike that... no flat panel... projection!
    _________________________
    -Michael West

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    #158530 - 06/06/2003 09:46 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    pgrzelak
    carpal tunnel

    Registered: 15/08/2000
    Posts: 4859
    Loc: New Jersey, USA
    Greetings.

    I am sorry to hear about the proceedings, but it sounds like your relationship has actually improved because of it. Best of luck, as always.

    One thing I would add to the furnishings is a bit of artwork. Something small and tasteful - perhaps an enlarged image of the empeg mainboard, the traces and comments in a suitable frame. Of course, if you have a blank board (won as a prize, for example), you can always frame that...

    Of course, a replica of Van Gogh's "Self Portrait With Bandaged Ear" might also be good, depending on your personal volume preferences...
    _________________________
    Paul Grzelak
    200GB with 48MB RAM, Illuminated Buttons and Digital Outputs

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    #158531 - 06/06/2003 09:53 Re: A change in name... [Re: pgrzelak]
    mwest
    old hand

    Registered: 01/05/2003
    Posts: 768
    Loc: Ada, Oklahoma
    I may use the 4 piece Katsuhiro Otomo Akira poster set.
    _________________________
    -Michael West

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    #158532 - 06/06/2003 10:17 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    pgrzelak
    carpal tunnel

    Registered: 15/08/2000
    Posts: 4859
    Loc: New Jersey, USA
    That would also work...
    _________________________
    Paul Grzelak
    200GB with 48MB RAM, Illuminated Buttons and Digital Outputs

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    #158533 - 06/06/2003 10:49 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    genixia
    Carpal Tunnel

    Registered: 08/02/2002
    Posts: 3411
    Heck, if you're going to have visual stuff in there anyway...

    Get a plasma. Make sure it has a VGA input and also an anti-burn in mode that can subtley shift images. Find a suitable quiet low power PC to stick in your audio cabinet, and set it to automatically cycle through some arty-farty images. Linux would rock for doing this - run X with no window manager, and have the startup script run xv -root -rm 5 -maxpect -wait 3600 -wloop somedir/*.jpg after X starts.
    Find a carpenter to make a nice arty frame for the plasma so taht it looks like a painting hung on the wall.
    _________________________
    Mk2a 60GB Blue. Serial 030102962 sig.mp3: File Format not Valid.

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    #158534 - 06/06/2003 11:28 Re: A change in name... [Re: mwest]
    pca
    old hand

    Registered: 20/07/1999
    Posts: 1102
    Loc: UK
    Plain white room, empeg mounted into the wall about 2 feet off the floor, white sofa on the other side with a mirror above it, which is partially reflective and disguises the projector behind it. NXT flat speakers mounted flush into the wall in the appropriate places. The ultimate stealth install.

    Do it right, with the power off it looks like something you'd lock someone in for a few days if you wanted to get information out of them

    pca
    _________________________
    Experience is what you get just after it would have helped...

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    #158535 - 06/06/2003 12:57 Re: A change in name... [Re: pca]
    David
    addict

    Registered: 05/05/2000
    Posts: 623
    Loc: Cambridge
    > Plain white room

    Stop there. Being a confirmed minimalist, that sounds about right to me. Maybe I'd add a chair if I'm feeling like adding a bit of clutter to the room to give it that 'lived-in' look.

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