Or one that doesn't make you giggle and/or embarrassed to order.
Spotted dick = Spotted Richard?

Spotted Richard is good. But perhaps for added effect you could find a word that's widely used for "dick" in the UK but not the US? Todger? Dong?

The Oxford Companion to Food, which everyone should own IMO, suggests "Spotted dog" as the usual euphemism. (And there certainly is a dalmatian look to the finished product.)

I would imagine only the americans would have a problem with such things as steak-and-kidney pudding.

I can't decide whether the US term "variety meats" is more or less off-putting than the English one "offal".

Perhaps "Naturally flavored buttery infused chutney salsa" would be good?

How about "Storecupboard Shortening"? One useful property of suet is that it contains so much saturated fat that you don' t need to keep it in the fridge. (At least at UK temperatures -- Arizona etc. might be different...)

Peter