Okay, I'm at a loss as to that word.

In this context, hohophobe would be someone whose concerns about Meleagrididaeical safety are amplified by the premature approach of a particular overblown, overcommercialized winter holiday characterized by an overabundance of electric shaver advertisements.

OK, that's me ("I'm Jim and I'm a hohophobe!"...."Hi, Jim!"), but that may not be you.

I am a serious puke-o-phobe, though.

Puke-o-phobes should really join the Natioinal Association to Say Bad Things About Staph Food Poisoning. Membership in the Salmonella Action League is open to puke-o-phobes but is really intended for diarrhea-phobes.

No, it doesn't. However, it does mean that there becomes a much narrower window between undercooked and overcooked. It also means that it's possible to overcook the outside while undercooking the inside.

Good point WRT the "narrower window", but I don't think it bears too specifically on salmonella risk except that you run a higher risk of an overcooked turkey if you indulge a little paranoia (and maybe a little higher disease risk if you ignore undercooking risk) . Salmonella is an enteric colonizer and winds up as primarily a surface threat. There are pretty clear guidelines on thawing, holding and cooking that, if followed, can reduce the risk to near zilch regardless of cooking method used. OTOH, if you cook a partially-thawed, salmonella-ridden turkey, there isn't any specific cooking method that will protect you. No substitute for a good meat thermometer, and, sure, quicker cooking in a fryer probably requires a little more attention. Much of the risk nowadays comes from improper prep and unintentional transfer of bugs to other foods like salads.

FWIW, I have never had turkey near as good as the ones that came out of a fryer. Of course the peanut oil can cost twice as much as the turkey...but it was worth it.

I wonder if you can combine a fryer with "beer can chicken"?