but cooking large fowl that quickly leaves a good chance that there will still be salmonella when you're done

I have to disagree. Recommended cooked temperature for turkey is 180F the oil should be between 180 and 200F. The oil fills the chest cavity of the bird as well as surrounding it. A 12-14 pound turkey will definitely be at least 180F throughout after 38 minutes in hot oil. that's why I mentioned bigger birds may not cook properly, but a 12-14 pounder is very safe. That is assuming you do defrost the entire bird first.
Of course no one says you have to eat it or believe it is safe to eat. Lots of people think a smoked chicken or turkey isn't safe either because it will have a pink ring which has nothing to do with the doneness, it's actually the smoke and salt creating a chemical reaction.
I've done probably 100 deep fried turkeys, no one got sick I know of...