I know this sounds horrible, and maybe it is, but I didn't vote last election. And it isn't because I'm lazy or because I don't care about who runs this country. I really do. I just don't believe I have the ability to actually understand what my vote means. With all of the media and grand speeches, who knows what actions are really going to be taken (or not taken) based on my vote? I feel a huge responsibility and I don't believe I have access to the information to vote for the better candidate (or lesser of two evils). I know there's a ton of information out there, but it's really hard to know who you can trust and just what all of it means- I guess I really don't think I'm smart enough to parse it all correctly.

At the end of the day, my beliefs tend to line up with Republicans a lot more than Democrats, but then that just gives them the ability to abuse my beliefs in the name of things that I really don't want, and that offends me. Much of what the Democrats stand for I disagree with, so it's really hard for me to vote for them, but I would if I thought it would ultimately lead to better decisions when it comes to the leadership of our country. But I don't see anything that leads me to believe they'd do any better.

The silly thing is how I came to realize all of this- I'll admit it's pretty self serving compared to the bigger picture issues that our country deals with. What can I say, I'm as self involved as the next guy? It had to due with online gambling back when I was playing a lot of online poker. The Republicans managed to push through anti-online gambling legislation on an unrelated bill. Politics as usual, but very frustrating. The really offensive part to me, though, was that the justification used was my faith. The Republican who pushed the legislation appealed to conservative Christians to show what a great thing he'd done by saving us from the perils of online gambling. Now, this is offensive to me because my faith isn't about gambling or not gambling, it's about Jesus Christ and his saving grace in my life- seeing that reduced to a political statement so that some guy can further his agenda (who actually showed no real interest in Christianity apart from getting support from Christians) offends me.

Beyond that, though, if he was going to appeal to Christian anti-gambling sensibilities (which many Christians do have), then the bill sucked. It carved out wagering over horse racing online and online lotteries. If he REALLY wanted to support the supposed Christian goal of preventing online gambling, then he'd not have settled for these carve outs, or at the least he'd have admitted that he wasn't able to totally solve the problem- but that was never even addressed. It was all a political statement to him- using my faith to garner votes on an issue that affected what I was able to do with my time and money.

But the worst part is, you could step back and blame the Republicans for this, but it was a Democrat who pushed making online gambling a felony offense in Washington state. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter what a party believes, it's all about what a politician thinks will further his or her career and that's the only agenda that really matters.

I HATE seeing my beliefs being touted in order to support something I don't believe in, and I hate not knowing who I can really trust because at the end of the day, it isn't about what a party stands for, it's about what makes the best political sense for the politician at the time. And if this stuff is true about something as trivial as online gambling, it's true about stuff that really matters (like making war, torturing people, laws that protect the innocent or punish the guilty, etc.)

I read Grisham's "The Appeal" a couple of years back and while it's fiction, my guess is it isn't too far off the mark. The problem is that while he took shots at the Republicans in a pretty big way, there's no reason to think the Democrats behave any differently.

Finally, I remember standing at Second Baptist in Houston (where I was attending church at the time) before Bush's first election. He was invited to "share his testimony" one Sunday morning, and I went eagerly expecting to hear about his faith journey. Instead, what I got was a political speech about why I should vote for him. I was offended, and I was offended when our pastor got up and applauded him after his speech. I went to church to worship my Lord Jesus Christ, not hear about faith based initiatives (I'm certain that everything was worded carefully enough not to run afoul of laws that could lose the church it's non-profit status- but it wasn't hard to read between the lines of what was really going on). The thing is, I'm ashamed to say I rationalized that event for a long time after that and overlooked how much it bothered me. I'm sure if I look back at my political posts on this board at the time I'd be a little frustrated at what I couldn't (but should have) see- Bush was using my faith as a political stepping stone to get what he wanted, and I let him.

So yeah, I'm bitter and jaded. I don't know how to fix where we're at. I don't know that things would be all that different if McCain had gotten elected. Maybe they would be, but I don't know if it would have been better or worse. I do know that I do not talk politics at church gatherings.

Don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful of the freedom that I have and the country that I live in. I just don't know how much longer it will last- in a lot of ways it feels to me like we are nearing the end. The politicians have gotten too savvy at working the system and now it doesn't seem like the system even serves the people any more. The best it does is keep any one captain from steering us too far off course, but at some point we are going to need a major course correction and not be able to make it. I hope that days comes after I am long gone.