Okay, once again I get to put my invincible ignorance on display. Please try not to laugh too much.

1) My new computer is a 64-bit machine with Windows 8.1. You already knew that. Is there such a thing as 32-bit Windows 8.1? Or a compatibility mode that runs 32-bit on the 64-bit machine? I guess I am confused about whether 32/64 bit is a hardware thing or a software thing. It was my impression that it is strictly hardware, so I have no possible USB option with this computer.

2) As you would guess with near certainty, I have no serial port on this new computer, so that leaves...

3) My only option is Ethernet. The sum total of my knowledge about networking is that it lets multiple devices talk to each other. Somehow. With magical concepts like subnets and ports and switches and routers and... Yeah, right. In the spirit of everlasting hope, I throw myself on the mercy of the empeg bbs on the chance that someone can explain to me, in words of one syllable or less, what I need to do.

My network is, I think, fairly pedestrian.

Internet connection comes into the house through a cable modem, which in turn feeds a four-port router. The router connects to (1) my computer; (2) SWMBO's computer; (3) my color laser printer; and (4) my OOMA VOIP telephone. That doesn't leave any ports left over for the empeg, does it?

So, apparently I need at least one more piece of hardware. That's OK, I am on good terms with my local computer store. Would that be a hub, or a switch, or another router, or ??

The router is a WRT54G2, old school, I know, but from what I understand comparable in reliability and durability to your typical anvil. It is configured for automatic DHCP.

The empeg faq (thank you, Tony!) says something about having the computer and the player on the same subnet. If I can't get the empeg player talking to my computer on USB or Serial, how can I configure it for ethernet?

Oh, wait... on the player, in the "About" screen, I see:
echo ip: 192.168.0.168
echo DHCP: 255.255.255.255
echo MAC: 00:02:d7:10:02:2f

Is that information I can use somehow to set up Ethernet communication with the player?

Sheesh! Maybe I should just buy a bunch of CDs and when I want noise in the car just put the round shiny things in the slot in the dashboard and twist the round thing to make it louder or quieter.

Where should I go from here?

tanstaafl.