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If he were my employee, and was showing that kind of performance, I'd say, "sorry, next review, you're outta here, we're hiring someone else".

Wait a minute, he is. And I will.
Well, what we can't seem to do is fire the HR department. Because you see they've only brought us the two options . . .


Which makes them also just like the HR department at work (or maybe we don't have that many applicants)