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I'm thinking that you were perhaps under the impression that I'm surfing the web from the pew during the service or some such?

Yeah, basically. Though my resolution would have been the opposite: If you don't want to be there, then don't be there. That was my solution, at least. Part of my point was that you were describing ways to waste time. If you have time that's otherwise unusable, then I guess that's great, but it read to me as if you were finding new ways to cram timewasting into your day.

As to the rest, I'm willing to accept your reasoning as long as you can admit that you used a turn of phrase that usually means something other than what you say you meant. It 100% came across as "you're an idiot if you don't love the iPhone, and it's just sour grapes if you say otherwise".
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Bitt Faulk