well, i'm jumping into this thread a bit late (been busy at work), but i thought i'd throw in my two cents. i'm a gay man who's been in two long-term relationships that were/are, for all practical purposes, marriages. the first lasted nearly ten years, and my current marriage is coming up on five years. we live just outisde of chicago.

i'm guessing chicago is like most major cities, in that the level of social conservatism varies pretty widely across different sections of the metropolitan area. dupage county, 15 miles west of chicago, is one of the most conservative counties in the country. wheaton, a town in dupage, is home to a number of conservative christian organizations and colleges. other areas, such as evanston and oak park, not to mention most of the city proper, tend to the liberal side. the prevailing attitude toward gay or lesbian couples seems to vary in pretty close correlation to the level of diversity (in either ethnicity or income-ranges) in the overall population.

what would i want from an official marriage? all of the points that have already been made by others (insurance, legal rights, financial benefits, etc). we, as a gay couple, are routinely denied much that others take for granted. today, we can gain a certain amount of that back by taking careful steps. i choose to work for an employer who offers same-sex couples full insurance benefits. we've met with a lawyer to draw up papers giving each other certain rights, including powers of attorney, etc, that are a pale comparison to the comparable rights given to a married couple. it's not possible for many gay couples to take these steps -- it's expensive, it's a pain in the neck, and not everyone is able to find a job in their field and their home town that will provide insurance benefits.

i believe it's not fair that we should pay the same taxes to the same government as a non-gay married couple do, but be bestowed with fewer rights and benefits in return. simple as that. do i care if it's called "marriage" under the law? hell, no. i couldn't care less. i just want my fair share of legal rights. if the most expedient way to achieve that is to change the legal definition of marriage, great. if that's not possible, and we create a new form of civil union, fine. but imagine all of the bearocracy, forms, and red tape that are set up around "married/unmarried" status that would have to change to reflect the parity of marriages and civil unions. imagine how many laws at the local, state, and federal level that would need to be rewritten. it's something that could never be fully accomplished in a lifetime, i believe. it would be so much easier to redefine "marriage" and be done. this isn't about religion, at all, and i'm sorry some people feel the need to drag that into the equation.

regarding adoption, we've considered it. i could name 15 people right now, mostly straight, who have tried to convince us to. apparently they think we'd make great parents. who knows, maybe someday.

--dan.