The iWRAP stuff says the code just has to send OK in response to such, as in: SSP CONFIRM a0:56:b2:4c:66:30 OK So I added a line to the table to do that automatically, and it does it.
If you haven't already tried this, see if adding the other code I suggested above (spitting the line back including the number instead of the OK) works, *instead* of the OK line added to the table?
Sending OK results in successful pairing, at least until after the phonebook question. If we send it with a PIN rather than OK, then I believe that amounts to asking the head-unit to confirm our (supplied) PIN (to which it should then respond with OK). Shouldn't be needed, but perhaps I'll try it anyway just for the heck of it.